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The Gruff

There's a little bit of troll in all of us....

When I think of my own journey, there was a time when I felt I’d never get the “all’s clear” to cross the bridge.  The troll kept saying “you can’t pass.” Helpless, angry, frustrated and all along feeling like I was being pulled backwards.  Memories of happier times, the push and pull of uncertainty. Scared to continue, scared to give up. So difficult to know what’s best. I found it hard to think in the moment. I was worried about the future and afraid of losing the past. My mind was so scrambled I’m not sure I was really thinking at all.

I was once taught to take a step back when something gets too emotional. Take a breathe. I did. It took me several breathes to reach the point of calm. As my mind started to balance my emotions did too. One step onto the bridge.

I stepped back to take another look. That troll....still there. I began to cry. I saw my daughters crying as their arms reached out to me. I became encouraged knowing my daughters wanted me over the bridge. I realized I had taken another step forward.

I looked straight ahead and there stood the troll.  Intimidation, a threat. Was the troll's stubbornness really blocking the bridge?  I thought of my fear. Is fear stubborn?  Was I the troll? I turned and looked at my past. I looked across the bridge hoping to see my future, still unknown.

The gruff became strength and courage. We crossed the bridge together.

Image by Jaclyn Moy

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